St. Charles High is, in general, a very accepting place. Both girls and boys can participate in sports, clubs, and other community activities. Teachers, staff and students of all shapes, sizes, backgrounds and races spend their days at SCHS, and for the most part, coexist rather well.

Notice that while I said people of all shapes, sizes, backgrounds and races. I did not say genders.

For most, it goes unnoticed. There are sports for boys and girls. There are equal amounts of bathrooms for males and females. The correct pronouns, those that correspond with the student’s gender, are used.

For most.

I am nonbinary. I am neither a boy or a girl. I am not she or he, I am not ma’am or sir, Ms. or  Mr.

I am lucky in that my teachers are accepting and willing to learn. Most of the time, if a wrong pronoun is used, they quickly apologize. I am lucky in that I can use gender neutral bathrooms. My name, legally, is no longer what it was before I came out.

But that was not something that was handed to me.

The administration knows. There is, or at least was, a marker on my Tyler SIS account, and therefore in attendance sheets, a marker on my profile. A marker that let my teacher know I am trans. My parents fought to change my legal name, went to court, and had it changed. They worked with the school to make sure I was respected.

But that doesn’t mean I do not experience discrimination.

I cannot use most bathrooms, not unless I want to cause myself dysphoria. Instead of using the nearest bathroom, I have to walk to the nurse, no matter where I am. I am still on the same timer as everyone else. I have been told, not here, but in another school, to use the correct bathroom. What is the correct bathroom?

I cannot participate in sports in a gender affirming way. Sports are broken up into boys and girls teams, but where do I go? What do I do if I am neither? Where do I change for gym? Additionally, If I were to run for Homecoming court, or for Prom king or queen, what would I be? I wouldn’t be a queen. I wouldn’t be a king. The powder puff and powder buff events. Could I participate in a way that would be comfortable? Probably not. Keep in mind, I am lucky. I know there are plenty of students whose parents will not fight for that respect. And I still experience this.

Even outside of administration, the community around the school is in many cases, not accepting. I have received many derogatory comments, including, notably, “Is that thing supposed to be a girl?” as if I am an object, or an animal, and not a human being. Especially in the last few days, with the recent election of Donald Trump. I have been told I should not care about the election. That it will not affect me, as if the man who was just elected doesn’t claim one of the first things he will do in office is to revoke protections for trans people.

This is something a lot of non-transgender people seem to struggle grasping. Why does gender matter so much? Why are people so insistent on being seen as a certain gender? Why do people care?

It is a matter of being comfortable in your own skin. If, for example, a man was suddenly met by people who insisted he must be a woman, would he not be uncomfortable? If a person insisted you must be something you are not, would you not be upset?

It is also an issue of feminism, believe it or not. Most people, especially here, would agree that women and men should be granted equal opportunities, equal rights. If men and women are equals, why does it matter if one transitions to another? If women can do everything men can, why can’t someone who used to be a woman participate in men’s sports? Why can’t someone who used to be a man participate in women’s sports? The belief that trans people should be excluded or othered because of their gender is an inherently sexist belief. 

Another reason it is not thought about is because people do not see us. I have met plenty of people who had never met a transgender person before me. Why would you think about the rights of people who you do not see? Who are out of sight, out of mind? That apathy, that ignorance, whether intentional or not, makes young, newly realized trans people scared. Do trans people live? Most of the news regarding them speaks of transphobic laws being passed, of hate crimes and discrimination. All you see is horror stories, so that’s all you think you’ll ever be. Young trans people do not get people to look up to, and often, even if people around them are supportive, they are not vocal about it.

Trans people exist. You may not think about us much, but we do exist. Take that into consideration.